Fourth Song on IN: Chants of Mindfulness and Compassion – My Grateful Heart

September 16, 2015March 19, 2019Eve Decker2 Comments

My Grateful Heart

The fourth song on the new CD, “IN: Chants of Mindfulness and Compassion”, is called My Grateful Heart. It was written by Laura Fannon, a member of the Threshold Choir (groups of mostly women who sing at the bedsides of the dying).

The words go like this:

My grateful heart, so filled with years of living

Memories flow by me, like petals on a stream

My grateful heart, forgives so many sorrows

Brings peace that lasts forever

Illuminates the dream

Dr. Fred Luskin, founder of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, teaches that authentic forgiveness isn’t possible without gratitude. We need gratitude, and an awareness of the good things in our lives, in order to have the resilience to forgive. Brene Brown, who researches and writes extensively on vulnerability, shame, and resiliency, teaches that gratitude is necessary for joy.

Gratitude – practiced intentionally and consciously – helps lend a fresh perspective to our lives, so that we are not overly caught in the negative.

The Buddha gave a teaching about a loving heart that applies to gratitude. He said, if you put a spoonful of salt into a glass of water, the water will taste salty. But if you put that same spoonful of salt into a lake, you won’t taste the salt.

When our minds to not have the resilience and perspective that gratitude can help to provide, then our suffering can color the whole of our mind, the way the salt flavors the whole glass of water. But that same suffering, in the spacious container provided by an awareness and appreciation of the good things in our lives, becomes more manageable and less overwhelming.

Laura Fannon’s song, written to ease the transition for dying people and their families, reminds us that gratitude “Illuminates the dream”. Looking at life through a lens of gratitude, the difficult things are held in a better perspective, and the good things are more a part of our identity and world view.

So why not try an intentional gratitude practice? I do it, and it’s an important part of my self care. Here are three things I do-

I have a gratitude buddy. My friend Leann and I email each other several times a week (usually), simple lists of things we are grateful for that day
Ten things: I use my ten fingers to come up with ten things I am grateful for. This is especially helpful when I am caught in negative thinking and/or painful emotion. It creates that different lens for seeing my life, “illuminates the dream” – puts more space of fresh water around the salt of life.
Sing “My Grateful Heart” to remind myself of the good things!

Love and peace to you, Eve

CD RELEASE CONCERT AT THE FREIGHT AND SALVAGE!
Saturday September 26, 2015 8PM
www.freightandsalvage.org (Berkeley, CA)
Join Eve Decker, Julie Wolf, Kent Welsh, Ben Decker and other special guests
Celebrating the Release of Eve’s New CD, IN: Chants of Mindfulness and Compassion

Click here to purchase tickets ($21 adv./$23 at door)

With Special Guests!

Jennifer Berezan, Creator of Praises to the World and Song for All Beings!
Vocal Activist Melanie DeMore
Spirit Rock teacher Donald Rothberg
Buddhist teacher and performer Nina Wise
Musician and Activist Betsy Rose
Members of the Threshold Choir (choirs of women who sing at the bedsides of the dying)

“Eve’s songs–the music, the words, and most of all her voice–comfort and embrace.” – Sylvia Boorstein, founding teacher, Spirit Rock Meditation Center

Our life is creation of our mind - Buddha quote on a slate blackboard against red barn wood — Our life is creation of our mind – Buddha quote on a slate blackboard against red barn wood

First song on the Chant CD: Pali Metta (Lovingkindness)

August 12, 2015August 13, 2015Eve Decker4 Comments

First song on IN: Chants of Mindfulness and Compassion: Pali Metta Chant

This chant is written in Pali, the language that was spoken in north India at the time the Buddha was alive. Pali is not spoken by regular folks anymore, but the language has been kept alive by Buddhist monastics.

Sabe Sata Sukhi Hontu translates to “May all beings be happy”. Buddhists have been chanting this simple phrase for more than 2,500 years.

To me, this chant is a wonderful, wonderful practice in intention. It sets a direction for our hearts and for our actions. Sensing into and growing a longing that all beings know happiness, it gives perspective to our experiences and our choices – if I wish for all beings to be happy, what would I do now? What would I say? How would I act?

It is really important to remember that “all beings” includes ourselves! We too are part of this enormous group! It is so important that we don’t forget ourselves, and our own well being. If we do, sacrificing our own needs in order to try to serve others, we become codependent and are on a track for burn out and resentment. We have a powerful responsibility for self care – when we are taking good care of ourselves, others don’t have to worry about us as much! And our well being gives us a deep source of strength and resilience for assisting and inspiring others. So, keep yourself in mind as you wish for all beings to be happy!

From this wish, sabe sata sukhi hontu, many beautiful actions can be born. We begin to see that we need resources for ourselves and to offer others in the walking towards this intention. When we learn and practice mindfulness, training the mind to investigate deeply the present moment, we have developed a powerful ally for calming down and offering clarity and kindness to ourselves and those around us. When we develop lovingkindness, compassion, and gratitude, we increase our capacity to love.

Motivated by the heart’s longing that all beings everywhere be happy, we begin our journey. Patience is a given on this path. Yet we continue moving forward.

Eve Decker

Click here to purchase tickets ($21 adv./$23 at door)

With Special Guests!
Vocal Activist Melanie DeMore
Spirit Rock teacher Donald Rothberg
Buddhist teacher and performer Nina Wise
Musician and Activist Betsy Rose
Members of the Threshold Choir (choirs of women who sing at the bedsides of the dying)

“Eve’s songs–the music, the words, and most of all her voice–comfort and embrace.” – Sylvia Boorstein, founding teacher, Spirit Rock Meditation Center

“T O T A L L Y B E A U T I F U L ! ! ! The songs are gorgeous!!!” – Larry Yang, founding teacher, East Bay Meditation Center

“An original musical transmission of the dharma. Deeply moving and transformative. And blessed with Eve’s emotionally transparent voice and exquisite musicians. This is music that heals. I know I will be listening to it daily!” – Jennifer Berezan, singer/songwriter and activist

Importance of Intention in Self Love

November 6, 2014November 7, 2014Eve1 Comment

“One who truly cares for themselves could never harm another.” – the Buddha

“With our thoughts we make the world” – the Buddha

Deciding to love yourself, rather than waiting for it to happen when you have become some marvelous person you hope to be one day, is a key part of well being. Loving yourself as you are now, warts and all. “What?!? “ -shouts the inner critic- “I am not deserving of my own constant love and care. I must be tormented and scolded, or I will sink into a quagmire of pathetic insufficiency!”

Nope.

Unconditional self love does not mean passively accepting our own self destructive or hurtful habits. It means working consistently, and with love and patience, toward our own potentials – and also recognizing our strengths. Our self-corrective times do not come from self hate, but from self love. Our self-celebrating times do not come from grandiosity but from gratitude for being a complex and miraculous part of the natural world. Loving your own successes in the same way you might love a sunset.

Imagine a really great parent. Imagine the levels of patience, of clarity, of kindness, of guidance a great parent would give a child finding their way. Self love looks like becoming that great parent for ourselves. And intending to create that for ourselves is the first step in allowing it to happen.

When we consciously intend to love ourselves, we plant a powerful seed that has the potential to bring previously unknown levels of well being into our daily lives. Why? Because when we love ourselves, then the person who knows us the most intimately truly loves us, has our back, and is there for us with genuine kindness. And when we are present for ourselves with kindness, life is more pleasant. Well being increases.

The more you do something, the easier it gets. The more you can remind yourself of your intention to love yourself, the more the possibilities for offering yourself care and kindness – both in your inner words to yourself and in your outer actions – will arise. In James Baraz’s book, Awakening Joy, he quotes Dr. Daniel Siegel (clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute): “Intentions create an integrated state of priming, a gearing up of our neural system to be in the mode of that specific intention : we can be readying to receive, to sense, to focus, to behave in a certain manner.” As I said…setting an intention plants a powerful seed.

Try this two step process:

1. Find a way to phrase an intention of self love (self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-kindness) that you at least somewhat resonate with. Keep it simple, in the positive, and don’t use qualifiers like “I’ll try to…” or “a little..”.

2. Read your intention aloud to yourself every day for at least a week. Think of it as a Harry Potter type of spell; a kind of magic that may really bring about positive change in your life.

Intention is powerful. Why not try? Loving yourself more might help this short life be more fun, and bring you more happiness. Go for it!

Love, Eve

Safe Person Tool

October 10, 2013March 19, 2019EveLeave a comment

There are many tools we can use to achieve unconditional self love; mindfulness and lovingkindness practices are primary in Buddhist philosophy. I will be posting here about those and many other means I use and teach to move toward inner and outer peace. In this blog entry my topic is ‘safe person’. Please feel welcome to comment about this post and about your own practices to help you with self acceptance.

Last night my friend Shahara Godfrey and I taught about compassion and lovingkindess, particularly as they apply to our own selves, at the East Bay Meditation Center. I have co-led two daylong teachings there before (‘Dharma and Music’ with Anushka Fernandopulle and ‘A Day with Kwan Yin’ with Shahara) but this was my first time teaching as a potential regular teacher there (I will co-teach twice there this year, then, in the new year, will be teaching on my own).

So there I am. I’ve been a meditation practitioner for 22 years; a music and drama teacher all of my adult life; a performer since childhood; a dharma teacher since 2006; an ‘official’ (i.e. trained and certified) dharma teacher for a year. Thousands of hours of reading philosophy and psychology; being in therapy, and going to twelve step groups. Every day I meditate and pray. I am sitting next to a friend for whom I feel real love.

And I am seized with the conviction that I am not good enough.

I developed this ‘core belief’ in childhood, at times when my needs were not met. You know how it is with kids. When our lives hurt we usually figure it’s our fault. Problem is, that kind of core belief sticks around long after childhood fades and we realize that our childhood pain was not our fault.

I’ve learned through years of work that a crucial tool for dealing with the triggering of a negative core belief is to talk about it with a safe person. So, step one: have a safe person. For some this is easy and obvious, but for some it is not. How to have a safe person? Be authentic and keep reaching out, even when it means some people will reject you. Eventually someone will ‘get’ you. Then, keep coming back to that/those people. The ones who are safe and kind and don’t secretly scare you a little bit.

My girlfriend Diane is a safe person for me. So I came home from teaching, all triggered out, and just told her about my experience and feelings. She said nice things, but she didn’t have to. All she really had to do was listen, which she did. I told the whole story, and she didn’t reject me. And within an hour I realized that in fact I had done a great job, that what I teach about (unconditional self love) is a beautiful and important thing. I have very wonderful quotes and poems and readings and songs to share as a part of my teaching. Also, I was with Shahara, and she is a wonderful teacher. The trigger for feeling ‘not good enough’ is sometimes just being my authentic, enthused self in front of a group of strangers.

But I can have faith in the intention and beauty of the path I am on with many others, and my own imperfect self on that path. Sometimes walking toward real healing and goodness – in my own heart and in what I share with others – feels like walking through peanut butter. It is so slow and laborious. But I keep heading forward because what are the other choices? I don’t want to pretend and I don’t want to give up.

Loving ourselves is a prerequisite to truly loving the world. We need to love ourselves without aggrandizement or denial. Then we can love everyone else with so much less judgment and barrier. Letting each other be who we are with genuine presence and love. Doesn’t that sound good? Like, what we need?

There are so many different tools I use and teach to head toward this goal. One of them is the safe person tool. Even if you are frightened, it is so important to put yourself out there and find at least one safe person who can hear and hold your whole true self, your whole true experience. I know it can be really hard to do but if you don’t have a safe person in your life right now you can find one. They are there. We are there. Risk it, and be persistent, and be brave, and patient. We are there.

Let’s practice being that for each other.

Love, Eve